If I only had a...

<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">In week 1 I depicted how my life’s journey started when I married my best friend, he took my life from black and white to color the day we said “I Do”. In week 2 I shared my most magical possession, “Love” the love my husband and I share for each other and how it has the power to help us through the journey of life. Just as Dorothy had her Ruby Slippers to protect her from the Wicked Witch, “our love” has the power to protect us from the obstacles that life throws our way. In my journaling I wrote of how “our love” has to power to create new life. As my husband and I traveled down the road we were blessed with 2 children very quickly after we were married. While we are very lucky to have our 2 children, I have always wanted a bigger family. God had other plans for me; a harsh reality that I am still struggling with. A reality that I constantly am telling myself I’m okay with, but really there are nights that I go to bed thinking of what could have been. In some small why I hope that this page helps me to heal slightly and come to terms with the reality that my body just won’t allow me to have another child. This week I would like to share a bit more about the journey my husband and I are on.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">The Journaling reads: </span>
<br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">If I only had…</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">…the chance to have you another child. The journey I am traveling is one with many twist and turns. There have been ups and there have been downs, and I am so lucky to have “our love” to help lead me though these obstacles. My journey down the ‘yellow brick’ road has been fun, exciting, scary, and lonely at times. Children have always been part of my master plan, and after only a few short months of being married my husband and I found out that I was expecting. It was one of those moments in life that you never forget. I ran out of the bathroom at 7 in the morning, tears of joy in my eyes, as I showed my husband the pregnancy test. We were over joyed and began planning for the arrival of our little one. At about 27 weeks along I started to have complications; I began to go into labor, which by the grace of God the doctors were able to stop, but I was put onto strict bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. At 36 ½ weeks along I went into labor again, and through an emergency C-section delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl, “Jean Kelly”. I saw her only briefly before they rushed her out and my husband out of the operating room. I was told before they put me under that they may have to remove my uterus; I was bleeding, and they couldn’t stop it. Hours later I awoke from surgery to find that the doctors were able to stop the bleeding in time. It was days later when my husband final told me that I was minutes away from losing my uterus, and there were times during the surgery they weren’t sure I was going to make it. We cried together, but they were happy tears. I made it and we were going to be able to have more children; however I was told to wait 2-3 years before trying for a 2nd child. God had other plans, and 9 months later I became pregnant again. My husband and I were excited but very scared. Once again at about 27 weeks I was put on bed rest, and at 36 weeks the doctors had me scheduled for my C-section. Prior to the C-section my husband and I talked to the doctor, and we decided that it was not safe for me to become pregnant again. I was upset, but I knew it was the right call. I already felt guilty, thinking something bad was going to happen; I didn’t want to leave my children without a mother or my husband without a wife. We decided that we would have no more children after our son was born, and surgically had it taken care of during the C-section. It wasn’t an easy decision, but if I had to do it all over again I would make the same decision. Knowing in my heart I made the right decision still doesn’t stop me from wondering what might have been, and therefore if I had the chance to ask OZ for something I would tell him… “If I only had the chance to have another child”.</span>

Beautiful page. Love the blended photo and the awesome journaling.

Kelly I too have struggled with not being able to have any more children. We elected to have my tubes tied during the C/S of my youngest son and I keep thinking about the "what ifs". The pregnancies were too hard on my body and 3 premies were too hard emotionally. Still doesn't take away the longing though! Great page and I loved the picture of the tire swing. You did a great job!

Absolutely Fantastic page. The tire swing photo is such a perfect photo for your theme. I know that this is such a hard thing to go through in your life. I had several miscarriages and though I had 3 biological children I always wondered whether that was it or not. Your jouranling is so amazing and I hope that it did help you on your healing a bit.

Kelly, you did a spectacular job! The photo is so perfect and conveys all the emotion that you poured out in your journaling. Your layout is very moving and I'm sure will resonate with so many women.

Amazing LO, love the muted tones and the photo you choose, terrific journaling!

Beautiful page. Love the photo and your journaling. Great job on your layout.

Beautiful! I commented in the FB page! Great Job!

Gorgeous page and awesome journaling!

LOVE your photo for this page. It brings many thoughts of your life into play. Your journaling is amazing. Fabulous clusters to accent.

Amazingly beautiful story and layout. Good Luck

This is so touching. Your picture and format relay for feelings very well visually also. Gorgeous LO.

Oh my goodness ... this layout, wow you can't get the whole effect until you read your journaling and realize every bit of it just comes together perfectly. Your paper and element choices ... to your story and that photo. Absolutely beautiful page.

everything does come together so well with the journaling, as has been said. Having choice taken away is the hardest thing sometimes {HUGS} xoxo

wow! What an emotional journey you have been on! Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt story. I'm so sorry for you loss! What a hard thing to go through. On the bright side. YOur page is beautiful! So elegant. I love your clustering. Your title work is so beautiful over that photo. It looks like it belongs on a card. Great job!

Such emotional journaling, and so beautifully written! I really like how you've bordered your page and those clusters are amazing!

The photo you chose for this is stunning. It adds so much meaning to your incredible and emothoinal journaling.

beautiful monochrome theme... Colors suit the somber heartfelt journaling... lovely photo of the swing for a child to be in.. pretty lo

Wow, what an effective journaling and layout! AWESOME job. Beautiful cluster work.

So touching, such a beautiful LO, gorgeous photo and great clustering