BlueHeartScraps
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Janaury Discussion Thread -- Maybe In Another Life
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bcgal00
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Great questions! My digital copy went back to the library when I finished so can't go back and "re-read" chapters but will enjoy answering some of the questions and hearing what everyone else thinks.
BlueHeartScraps
New member
Ooh, yeah. Sorry. I'll take that into consideration for future books, thanks! Will also try to go back and copy/paste the sections mentioned above later today (Sinus/congestion crap hit me HARD New Year's Eve, so I am struggling right now)
bcgal00
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CindyB
Active member
These are great questions...and as an audible reader, I'm glad you posted the excerpts you were referencing 
I'll be back with my thoughts...
I'll be back with my thoughts...
CindyB
Active member
1. Hannah opens the novel needing to find a sense of home, and a renewed, stronger sense of self. Does she find both of these things by the novel’s conclusion? Are they different in each ending, or more or less the same?
I think she does...both endings, I felt, had equally satisfying outcomes.
2. Turn to Chapter 23 and reread the conversation Hannah has with Ethan from her hospital bed. What do you make of her statement, “Whatever would have happened wasn’t supposed to happen"? Do you agree with Hannah that believing we’re all destined for something makes it easier to bear the harder moments?
I'm a pretty firm believer in what was meant to be, will be. Hardships we face in life are only meant to teach us how we live our lives. It's like how I'm always guiding my adult children, you made a choice and now you have to learn how to deal with the consequences...good or bad.
3. In Chapter 29, Hannah says to Gabby, “I’m starting to think maybe you just pick a place and stay there. You pick a career and do it. You pick a person and commit to him”. Is this idea—that sometimes, you just have to make a decision and stick with it—mutually exclusive with any notion of fate or destiny?
This is a hard question for me to answer, because I think that sometimes you don't have to live with every decision you make. However my personality and the way I've lived my life, I will give every decision every opportunity to work itself out.I think she does...both endings, I felt, had equally satisfying outcomes.
2. Turn to Chapter 23 and reread the conversation Hannah has with Ethan from her hospital bed. What do you make of her statement, “Whatever would have happened wasn’t supposed to happen"? Do you agree with Hannah that believing we’re all destined for something makes it easier to bear the harder moments?
I'm a pretty firm believer in what was meant to be, will be. Hardships we face in life are only meant to teach us how we live our lives. It's like how I'm always guiding my adult children, you made a choice and now you have to learn how to deal with the consequences...good or bad.
3. In Chapter 29, Hannah says to Gabby, “I’m starting to think maybe you just pick a place and stay there. You pick a career and do it. You pick a person and commit to him”. Is this idea—that sometimes, you just have to make a decision and stick with it—mutually exclusive with any notion of fate or destiny?
4. In that same conversation between Gabby and Hannah (in reference to soul mates), do you agree with Hannah when she says that sometimes you can just tell about a person? Have you ever had a person about whom you felt you could just tell?
I think your gut instinct is more often correct and I tend to follow that path.
5. While on the surface, the novel may seem to focus on which man Hannah will end up with, there are several types of love explored in Maybe in Another Life. Which of the many relationships depicted was your favorite? How did they change and grow in each storyline?
I think the love and friendship that Hannah and Gabby shared was the best. In both storylines, I felt their relationship was comparable.
6. Mark tries to defend his decision to leave Gabby by saying, “I didn’t mean for it to happen. But when you have that kind of connection with someone, nothing can stand in its way” (page 273). What do you think about this? Do you agree with Hannah’s belief that “your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are in fact the very definition of who you are” (page 274)? How does this jibe with the idea that sometimes you can just tell someone is right for you?
I've never experienced this kind of struggle, so I'm not sure how to answer this. I don't like him saying "I didn't mean for it to happen"...sounds like he's not owning his infidelity. If he was so sure of his strong connection, he shouldn't have waited so long to end things with Gabby.
7. Did you believe in fate when you started the novel? Did the novel change, challenge, or uphold your opinion?
Yes I still believe in fate.
8. Certainly some of the characters, including Hannah at times, believe in fate. Do you think the book itself suggests that fate exists? What about soul mates?
I think that this book really makes you think about fate and how your choices effect your path in life. Soul-mates...I think is a pretty rare thing.
9. Did you find yourself rooting for one ending versus the other? Do you have an opinion on whether Hannah should have ended up with Henry or with Ethan? If you were Hannah, which ending would you have wanted for yourself?
I was team Henry for most of the story, until the end...then I was pretty satisfied with both endings.
I think the love and friendship that Hannah and Gabby shared was the best. In both storylines, I felt their relationship was comparable.
6. Mark tries to defend his decision to leave Gabby by saying, “I didn’t mean for it to happen. But when you have that kind of connection with someone, nothing can stand in its way” (page 273). What do you think about this? Do you agree with Hannah’s belief that “your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are in fact the very definition of who you are” (page 274)? How does this jibe with the idea that sometimes you can just tell someone is right for you?
I've never experienced this kind of struggle, so I'm not sure how to answer this. I don't like him saying "I didn't mean for it to happen"...sounds like he's not owning his infidelity. If he was so sure of his strong connection, he shouldn't have waited so long to end things with Gabby.
7. Did you believe in fate when you started the novel? Did the novel change, challenge, or uphold your opinion?
Yes I still believe in fate.
8. Certainly some of the characters, including Hannah at times, believe in fate. Do you think the book itself suggests that fate exists? What about soul mates?
I think that this book really makes you think about fate and how your choices effect your path in life. Soul-mates...I think is a pretty rare thing.
9. Did you find yourself rooting for one ending versus the other? Do you have an opinion on whether Hannah should have ended up with Henry or with Ethan? If you were Hannah, which ending would you have wanted for yourself?
I was team Henry for most of the story, until the end...then I was pretty satisfied with both endings.
Elynnia
New member
Oh my that was a good book! Once I got into it I was hooked, and read through most of the afternoon. I will get on my laptop tonight and answered the questions. Such a good pick!
Elynnia
New member
1. Hannah opens the novel needing to find a sense of home, and a renewed, stronger sense of self. Does she find both of these things by the novel’s conclusion? Are they different in each ending, or more or less the same?
Yes she finds both these things in both conclusions. While she ends up with a different guy depending on the conclusion her overall support system ends up being much the same.
2. Turn to Chapter 23 and reread the conversation Hannah has with Ethan from her hospital bed. What do you make of her statement, “Whatever would have happened wasn’t supposed to happen"? Do you agree with Hannah that believing we’re all destined for something makes it easier to bear the harder moments?
I'd like to believe that I could say that calmly and move on... I am the type that tends to hold things in until I lash out at everyone so I'm not sure I believe that. I think we have a higher level of control on our lives and its what we invest in them and how hard we push for things that make the results. That's not to say that things out of our control don't happen, but then how we react to those situations is in our control.
3. In Chapter 29, Hannah says to Gabby, “I’m starting to think maybe you just pick a place and stay there. You pick a career and do it. You pick a person and commit to him”. Is this idea—that sometimes, you just have to make a decision and stick with it—mutually exclusive with any notion of fate or destiny?
I think you have to give decisions time to play themselves out but I don't think you should be stuck with them. Sometimes you have to take "that job" to survive... Does that mean you have to stay there? No, continue to search and work towards what you really want.
4. In that same conversation between Gabby and Hannah (in reference to soul mates), do you agree with Hannah when she says that sometimes you can just tell about a person? Have you ever had a person about whom you felt you could just tell?
Not exactly but I have those friends that I have had forever (like Ethan) that can pop in and out of my life like no time has past. And I love those relationships! Life gets in the way, we are busy, but once stop and catch up things haven't changed between the two of you.
5. While on the surface, the novel may seem to focus on which man Hannah will end up with, there are several types of love explored in Maybe in Another Life. Which of the many relationships depicted was your favorite? How did they change and grow in each storyline?
I liked watching Gabby and Hannah's relationship. They were amazing friends and truly there for each other. Even doing Gabby's outburst when she start's connecting Hannah's mistakes to that of her cheating husband... Hannah remains calm and Gabby realizes she shouldn't be making those connections. They truly have each other's backs!
6. Mark tries to defend his decision to leave Gabby by saying, “I didn’t mean for it to happen. But when you have that kind of connection with someone, nothing can stand in its way” (page 273). What do you think about this? Do you agree with Hannah’s belief that “your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are in fact the very definition of who you are” (page 274)? How does this jibe with the idea that sometimes you can just tell someone is right for you?
I think they rushed into the marriage and both ended up realizing the other wasn't the one. I don't think it should have taken him that long to figure it out and his timing right after the hospital release was very crappy!
7. Did you believe in fate when you started the novel? Did the novel change, challenge, or uphold your opinion?
To some extent, but overall I think life is what you make it.
8. Certainly some of the characters, including Hannah at times, believe in fate. Do you think the book itself suggests that fate exists? What about soul mates?
I think the book suggests that fate exists but is modified by our choices. I think soul mates are rare and not the norm. I don't believe there is just one person out there for you. I think you have options and you have to find the one that is right for you at that point in time.
9. Did you find yourself rooting for one ending versus the other? Do you have an opinion on whether Hannah should have ended up with Henry or with Ethan? If you were Hannah, which ending would you have wanted for yourself?
I liked both endings but having to pick one I would pick Henry. I like that he came in to her life at a very low point and watched her find her strength and flourish.
3. In Chapter 29, Hannah says to Gabby, “I’m starting to think maybe you just pick a place and stay there. You pick a career and do it. You pick a person and commit to him”. Is this idea—that sometimes, you just have to make a decision and stick with it—mutually exclusive with any notion of fate or destiny?
I think you have to give decisions time to play themselves out but I don't think you should be stuck with them. Sometimes you have to take "that job" to survive... Does that mean you have to stay there? No, continue to search and work towards what you really want.
4. In that same conversation between Gabby and Hannah (in reference to soul mates), do you agree with Hannah when she says that sometimes you can just tell about a person? Have you ever had a person about whom you felt you could just tell?
Not exactly but I have those friends that I have had forever (like Ethan) that can pop in and out of my life like no time has past. And I love those relationships! Life gets in the way, we are busy, but once stop and catch up things haven't changed between the two of you.
5. While on the surface, the novel may seem to focus on which man Hannah will end up with, there are several types of love explored in Maybe in Another Life. Which of the many relationships depicted was your favorite? How did they change and grow in each storyline?
I liked watching Gabby and Hannah's relationship. They were amazing friends and truly there for each other. Even doing Gabby's outburst when she start's connecting Hannah's mistakes to that of her cheating husband... Hannah remains calm and Gabby realizes she shouldn't be making those connections. They truly have each other's backs!
6. Mark tries to defend his decision to leave Gabby by saying, “I didn’t mean for it to happen. But when you have that kind of connection with someone, nothing can stand in its way” (page 273). What do you think about this? Do you agree with Hannah’s belief that “your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are in fact the very definition of who you are” (page 274)? How does this jibe with the idea that sometimes you can just tell someone is right for you?
I think they rushed into the marriage and both ended up realizing the other wasn't the one. I don't think it should have taken him that long to figure it out and his timing right after the hospital release was very crappy!
7. Did you believe in fate when you started the novel? Did the novel change, challenge, or uphold your opinion?
To some extent, but overall I think life is what you make it.
8. Certainly some of the characters, including Hannah at times, believe in fate. Do you think the book itself suggests that fate exists? What about soul mates?
I think the book suggests that fate exists but is modified by our choices. I think soul mates are rare and not the norm. I don't believe there is just one person out there for you. I think you have options and you have to find the one that is right for you at that point in time.
9. Did you find yourself rooting for one ending versus the other? Do you have an opinion on whether Hannah should have ended up with Henry or with Ethan? If you were Hannah, which ending would you have wanted for yourself?
I liked both endings but having to pick one I would pick Henry. I like that he came in to her life at a very low point and watched her find her strength and flourish.
CindyB
Active member
lorigaud
Active member
Loved this book! Can't promise I'll actually discuss anything, but I am committed to reading more in 2020, so I'm excited to see what gets picked next.
Belis2mi
Active member
1. Hannah opens the novel needing to find a sense of home, and a renewed, stronger sense of self. Does she find both of these things by the novel’s conclusion? Are they different in each ending, or more or less the same?
I think in a way she does find the sense of home and self, in both endings and while the details of each are different, I think they come about in the same way. It seems at the start that Hannah has been reflecting on her life and maybe not too happy with where it has been going. In my opinion, it’s that self-awareness that opens the door for Hannah to try to make sense of (or maybe make the best of?) her circumstances in each of the storylines. Because of that sense-making, the end result is essentially the same, with Hannah finding a sense of home and self in each case.
2. Turn to Chapter 23 and reread the conversation Hannah has with Ethan from her hospital bed. What do you make of her statement, “Whatever would have happened wasn’t supposed to happen"? Do you agree with Hannah that believing we’re all destined for something makes it easier to bear the harder moments?
I think we all have coping mechanisms to get us through the hardest moments and Hannah’s idea that we are all destined for something is one coping mechanism. I don’t really agree with the idea of things that are “not supposed to happen” because the counter to that is that other things “are supposed to happen” and the idea that some people are “meant” to experience horrors and atrocities by some pre-destination is unthinkable to me.
3. In Chapter 29, Hannah says to Gabby, “I’m starting to think maybe you just pick a place and stay there. You pick a career and do it. You pick a person and commit to him”. Is this idea—that sometimes, you just have to make a decision and stick with it—mutually exclusive with any notion of fate or destiny?
Again, in my opinion, fate or destiny has nothing to do with it. I think it has more to do with what you absolutely can or cannot live with. A favourite colour, food or movie is probably the best example – when you answer that question there is really very little riding on the choice you make and picking one and sticking to it is likely a common approach to the question. Maybe after several years, you become even more attached to that food, or colour or movie because you have incorporated it more deeply into your life through repetition etc. When it comes to people and careers, it becomes more complex but again, there are likely many good choices, and one may be very different from another but essentially no better or worse over all in the long term. I do believe that over time we learn and understand more about our choices from people and events around us and because of that we sometimes realise that the person (or career) we thought we knew has aspects that go against our values or perhaps what we believe and value changes over time too. Regardless, that evolution of thinking and knowledge and even feeling can lead to choices to end a relationship, change careers and so on. I don’t think that is pre-destiny or fate, I think it is just life.
4. In that same conversation between Gabby and Hannah (in reference to soul mates), do you agree with Hannah when she says that sometimes you can just tell about a person? Have you ever had a person about whom you felt you could just tell?
I disagree with Hannah – I think that sometimes, when initial impressions turn out to be accurate people claim they “just knew” right from the start. When initial impressions aren’t supported over time, most people just say they have never had the experience of finding a soulmate that they “knew” was right from the start.
5. While on the surface, the novel may seem to focus on which man Hannah will end up with, there are several types of love explored in Maybe in Another Life. Which of the many relationships depicted was your favorite? How did they change and grow in each storyline?
I think my favourite relationship storyline was about family, with Gabby’s family and Hannah’s and how they interrelated over the course of the two storylines. The idea of Hannah’s parents and sister moving away to pursue one daughter’s dream while the other stayed with a friend’s family seemed callous at first, and unfair but over the course of the story it became clearer what led to the decisions and that the relationships were still there, just not necessarily worked on very well. I think I liked best that at the end there was opportunity to rebuild and renew bonds among family that were still there.
6. Mark tries to defend his decision to leave Gabby by saying, “I didn’t mean for it to happen. But when you have that kind of connection with someone, nothing can stand in its way” (page 273). What do you think about this? Do you agree with Hannah’s belief that “your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are in fact the very definition of who you are” (page 274)? How does this jibe with the idea that sometimes you can just tell someone is right for you?
I agree with Hannah’s belief that actions in love are the definition of who you are. I think that if you are not happy with your current situation, you look for the things that are missing and then “see” those connections in another. I also think that there is nothing fated about that, it is just natural for human beings to try to get what they are missing and when it is available, we gravitate towards the people that are able to fill the void. It doesn’t mean the person who fills those needs it “the one”, but it is a good indicator that even though you may have convinced yourself you didn’t need something that is missing in a current relationship, you might have been wrong about that.
7. Did you believe in fate when you started the novel? Did the novel change, challenge, or uphold your opinion?
I think the novel just reaffirmed my disbelief in fate, but it helped to show why so many people do hold that belief. It’s an interesting question because beliefs are like that – they can’t really be proved or disproved and those who hold a particular belief are just as adamant about it as those who oppose it. Neither can be right or wrong, they just are as they are.
8. Certainly some of the characters, including Hannah at times, believe in fate. Do you think the book itself suggests that fate exists? What about soul mates?
It seems that the author holds a belief in fate and in soul mates, or at least the way the story is written suggests that she does. The fact that certain constants are held throughout would suggest that she felt some things were destined to happen – Mark leaving Gabby, for example.
9. Did you find yourself rooting for one ending versus the other? Do you have an opinion on whether Hannah should have ended up with Henry or with Ethan? If you were Hannah, which ending would you have wanted for yourself?
I think I was rooting for Hannah and Henry because that version of the story seemed more real to me. I don’t know that I would want that ending for myself, or even the other ending, but in terms of the story, I was much more attuned to the Henry ending.
I think in a way she does find the sense of home and self, in both endings and while the details of each are different, I think they come about in the same way. It seems at the start that Hannah has been reflecting on her life and maybe not too happy with where it has been going. In my opinion, it’s that self-awareness that opens the door for Hannah to try to make sense of (or maybe make the best of?) her circumstances in each of the storylines. Because of that sense-making, the end result is essentially the same, with Hannah finding a sense of home and self in each case.
2. Turn to Chapter 23 and reread the conversation Hannah has with Ethan from her hospital bed. What do you make of her statement, “Whatever would have happened wasn’t supposed to happen"? Do you agree with Hannah that believing we’re all destined for something makes it easier to bear the harder moments?
I think we all have coping mechanisms to get us through the hardest moments and Hannah’s idea that we are all destined for something is one coping mechanism. I don’t really agree with the idea of things that are “not supposed to happen” because the counter to that is that other things “are supposed to happen” and the idea that some people are “meant” to experience horrors and atrocities by some pre-destination is unthinkable to me.
3. In Chapter 29, Hannah says to Gabby, “I’m starting to think maybe you just pick a place and stay there. You pick a career and do it. You pick a person and commit to him”. Is this idea—that sometimes, you just have to make a decision and stick with it—mutually exclusive with any notion of fate or destiny?
Again, in my opinion, fate or destiny has nothing to do with it. I think it has more to do with what you absolutely can or cannot live with. A favourite colour, food or movie is probably the best example – when you answer that question there is really very little riding on the choice you make and picking one and sticking to it is likely a common approach to the question. Maybe after several years, you become even more attached to that food, or colour or movie because you have incorporated it more deeply into your life through repetition etc. When it comes to people and careers, it becomes more complex but again, there are likely many good choices, and one may be very different from another but essentially no better or worse over all in the long term. I do believe that over time we learn and understand more about our choices from people and events around us and because of that we sometimes realise that the person (or career) we thought we knew has aspects that go against our values or perhaps what we believe and value changes over time too. Regardless, that evolution of thinking and knowledge and even feeling can lead to choices to end a relationship, change careers and so on. I don’t think that is pre-destiny or fate, I think it is just life.
4. In that same conversation between Gabby and Hannah (in reference to soul mates), do you agree with Hannah when she says that sometimes you can just tell about a person? Have you ever had a person about whom you felt you could just tell?
I disagree with Hannah – I think that sometimes, when initial impressions turn out to be accurate people claim they “just knew” right from the start. When initial impressions aren’t supported over time, most people just say they have never had the experience of finding a soulmate that they “knew” was right from the start.
5. While on the surface, the novel may seem to focus on which man Hannah will end up with, there are several types of love explored in Maybe in Another Life. Which of the many relationships depicted was your favorite? How did they change and grow in each storyline?
I think my favourite relationship storyline was about family, with Gabby’s family and Hannah’s and how they interrelated over the course of the two storylines. The idea of Hannah’s parents and sister moving away to pursue one daughter’s dream while the other stayed with a friend’s family seemed callous at first, and unfair but over the course of the story it became clearer what led to the decisions and that the relationships were still there, just not necessarily worked on very well. I think I liked best that at the end there was opportunity to rebuild and renew bonds among family that were still there.
6. Mark tries to defend his decision to leave Gabby by saying, “I didn’t mean for it to happen. But when you have that kind of connection with someone, nothing can stand in its way” (page 273). What do you think about this? Do you agree with Hannah’s belief that “your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are in fact the very definition of who you are” (page 274)? How does this jibe with the idea that sometimes you can just tell someone is right for you?
I agree with Hannah’s belief that actions in love are the definition of who you are. I think that if you are not happy with your current situation, you look for the things that are missing and then “see” those connections in another. I also think that there is nothing fated about that, it is just natural for human beings to try to get what they are missing and when it is available, we gravitate towards the people that are able to fill the void. It doesn’t mean the person who fills those needs it “the one”, but it is a good indicator that even though you may have convinced yourself you didn’t need something that is missing in a current relationship, you might have been wrong about that.
7. Did you believe in fate when you started the novel? Did the novel change, challenge, or uphold your opinion?
I think the novel just reaffirmed my disbelief in fate, but it helped to show why so many people do hold that belief. It’s an interesting question because beliefs are like that – they can’t really be proved or disproved and those who hold a particular belief are just as adamant about it as those who oppose it. Neither can be right or wrong, they just are as they are.
8. Certainly some of the characters, including Hannah at times, believe in fate. Do you think the book itself suggests that fate exists? What about soul mates?
It seems that the author holds a belief in fate and in soul mates, or at least the way the story is written suggests that she does. The fact that certain constants are held throughout would suggest that she felt some things were destined to happen – Mark leaving Gabby, for example.
9. Did you find yourself rooting for one ending versus the other? Do you have an opinion on whether Hannah should have ended up with Henry or with Ethan? If you were Hannah, which ending would you have wanted for yourself?
I think I was rooting for Hannah and Henry because that version of the story seemed more real to me. I don’t know that I would want that ending for myself, or even the other ending, but in terms of the story, I was much more attuned to the Henry ending.
BlueHeartScraps
New member
Hmm, interesting perspective. I've always assumed the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight, was possible -- mainly because it's a concept I felt with my husband. Technically, we met online, and I was kind of convinced before we even met in person that I felt a form of love for him -- when we finally did meet, I told my best friend the very next morning that he was going to "change my life in some enormous way". Did he change my life? Absolutely! (and in the way I thought he would, to be honest) -- but if we had not married, not had children, would I have written off my feelings in another way (maybe I would have reasoned that he taught me a lesson, or showed me the kind of man I did/didn't want, etc)? Interesting thought, for sure!
Route66
Well-known member
[No message]
bcgal00
Active member
JoyLynn - that is awesome about meeting online and then IRL it worked out for you. A friend of a friend, yrs ago, met a fellow in the US online and that was way back when online dating was just starting to be a thing. Everyone was worried and thought she was crazy for mtg only a few times before getting engaged and married about 3 mths later (they had been online chatting for about 6 months previously). That was over 20 yrs ago and they are happily married and living in the US ever since.
BlueHeartScraps
New member
Haha, oh yes! I got so many caring, concerned (read: nervous Nelly) comments from family and friends about telling a complete stranger how to get to my apartment the first time we talked online (though, in my defense, we talked online for over 5 hours that night, and I just had this feeling!) But, we spoke online and on the phone for a few weeks before meeting, and were inseparable from that point on. He was working overnights at the time, and would drive up the nearly 2 hours to my apartment after work, sleep a little then spend some time with me before driving back the nearly 2 hours to work...only to do it again the next day. We were engaged just about 3 months after that first online chat, married 1 year to the day later, and celebrated our 18th anniversary this past August.
Maybe there's no such thing as soul mates...but I'll always believe we were meant to be.
bcgal00
Active member
That is such a great story!
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