Funerals

[craftytam]

This may rub some of you the wrong way...if so, please accept my apologies up front!

I don't go to funerals. I mean, I have for family members, but I can't bring myself to go to friends' funerals. I bring this up because a friend from high school recently committed suicide and his funeral is today. I feel a bit guilty about not going, but I don't want to sit and cry in front of a bunch of strangers. After my brother's suicide almost 2 years ago, I know the absolute devastation it causes and I have no desire to relive that pain.

How about you...Nobody likes funerals, but do you go?

 

[littleradtrio]

Tammy, I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently and you need to do what you need to do to grieve. I don't know of anyone that actually likes funerals. They are very sad. I would rather have someone throw a party to celebrate their life instead. I have attended a variety of funerals and I have even been to many where I never knew the person that passed. Instead I'm there for their loved ones.

Hugs to you!

 

[mariewilcox]

So sorry for the loss of your friend Tammy - I agree, everyone grieves differently and you do what you want.

I just went to the funeral of a 12-year-old girl on Monday. She was like a daughter to me and a sister to my daughter (the daughter of my best friend, who also died 21 months ago). It was a high mass Catholic funeral. It was incredibly sad because it was very sudden and very unexpected (she collapsed one afternoon during track practice and died the next morning of a rare cardiac defect that was completely unknown to anyone). I also attended the funeral of someone I grew up with from birth and we were very close - he was 52 and died of a heart attack right before Christmas. So yes, I attend funerals... for me it's to honor the deceased person's life, to support their family, and for closure for myself. Having lost my own husband 13 years ago I know how it feels to suddenly lose someone so important in your life and having that support meant a lot.

 

[craftytam]

I definitely agree that everyone grieves in their own way. And, I'm with you, Jennifer...I've told my kids, I want a celebration rather than a funeral.

Marie, I can't even imagine how hard that would be. You make a good point, that the support is important. I've been there for very close friends parents' funerals.

 

[meagan43]

When my father passed away, we did as he requested and had a party. Now, coming from an partially Irish background where wakes are given, it was easier for us to do this. We basically had the "party" at his house. Everyone bought food, we shared stories (informally) and then we broke out the Karaoke machine and sang.
That being said, I have been to many different kinds of funerals - Catholic, Baptist, non-denominational, spiritual, and probably a few others. I still like the party.

 

[mariewilcox]

Honestly, I think wakes are so much harder than actual funerals. Katie's wake was so hard but the funeral itself was more of a ritual and actually comforting and then after we went back to her father's house and had food and the kids all played outside while the adults had a "party." My parents have already made all their arrangements - cremation, no service, just very close family burying their ashes at the cemetery next to my grandparents.

 

[hclappy]

Big hugs to you Tammy. As everyone else has said, everyone grieves in their own way. Especially with your history with suicide, you should do what you think is best for yourself.

I don't want a party, per se. But I do want people I love to get together and eat at a restaurant and swap embarrassing Jen stories.

 

[msbrad]

Hugs to you - Most definitely they are tough....from every angle.

I attend some, not many. And when I attend the reason just depends.
I hope my attendance represents support to the family and that I cared about the loved one newly deceased.
m

 

[lorigaud]

I am attending a funeral today, in fact, for a co-worker's dad. I went to one last week for a co-worker's daughter who died tragically in a car accident in CA. In these cases, it is to show support for my friends, since I never personally knew either of the deceased. I just know that I appreciated all the support I had at both of my parents' funerals. As I'm getting older, though, I'm starting to lose people from my own graduating class. I lost one former classmate about 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't bring myself to attend her service. Maybe it hit too close to home? IDK.

I know plenty of others who don't go, and show their support in other ways. I think you do what feels right for you.

Thinking of you, Marie. So sad.

Tammy, I've lost former students to suicide but never anyone super close to me. I can't even imagine how devastating that must have been to lose your brother that way.