At my wit's end....

lorigaud

lorigaud

Active member
with my middle son right now. He is a sophomore, and has always struggled in school. He's on a 504 plan because he didn't qualify for special ed. I keep hearing from teachers that he is very smart, and that he is a great class participant, etc.... and I love that. The problem is homework. He doesn't do it. As a result, his grades are a lot lower than they could be. I feel like I am always on his case about it... he doesn't want help, says he doesn't need it.... and yet the work doesn't get done. I take aways privileges, and he doesn't seem to care. I offer rewards... same deal. I am at a loss here. Last year, he really didn't participate in any school activities, so there was no hook. This year, he did marching band, and now he's involved in jazz band and the musical production. He's not failing... he always manages to pass everything, but I'm just so concerned about his future if he continues like this. It's incredibly frustrating. Any suggestions?
 
Oh Lori that is a tough one. I am hopeful the participation/commitment to band will help guide him on the right track. Ask the band director if there are any 'grade' requirements from the other classes to participate in the competitions etc. That might help or even the band director to talk with him.
I would concentrate on the positive as much as possible.

Best of luck.
hugs
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I like the idea of having the band director talk to him... he's a friend of the family, but a pretty intimidating guy. :) Noah does have to be passing most of his classes (he can fail one, but I'd rather he not) in order to participate in extracurriculars.
I keep telling myself to focus on the positive... also good advice. Thanks Michi!
 
Do you think he has good intentions but just gets distracted/unfocused, or forgets about assignments, etc? If that's the case, he may need help with his planning, organizing, and executive functioning. (Just a thought, because my daughter is like this!) If so, you can find help with the school counselors or do some reading on your own; the book Smart but Scattered for Teens might help. Good luck, Lori!
 
My son was similar. It was an huge struggle to get him to do his homework and as a result, he didn't do good on tests or in class assignments. He has always struggled with school but this year is different. So far he is doing awesome. He actually got on the B honor roll too! We decided last year that he needed help so we enrolled him in Sylvan Learning and he spent all summer going too. It made a huge difference for him. Previously he would barely pass classes and now he's on the B honor roll. I think it also helped that the school put him in a "core" that has much smaller class sizes too. But either way, we are excited for him. Now we don't have to battle with him to do his homework or anything. He generally has it done before we even have to ask.

Have you tried something like Sylvan or Huntington or similar? My son is much younger than yours (7th grade) but maybe it'll help especially since he's getting close to graduating.
 
I have no advice for you but I just wanted to say good luck :) hope it all gets sorted out. Jennifer, that sounds like an awesome program! Good on you!!
 
Thanks for the suggestion Jennifer... it sounds like it has worked out really well for your son, and that's great! Unfortunately, that is not an option for me at the moment, because I just don't have the extra money. There are a couple of extra programs through the school that I'm hoping will have a similar result for him though... one is a core lab, where he will work with a teacher for Language Arts specifically during one of his workshops (study halls). He is supposed to start that next week. He has it every other day, and the teacher who is in charge of it is very familiar with the curriculum that Noah has, so fingers crossed that it will give him a boost. :) Also, there's an after school program that the asst. principal has suggested that meets once a week. There are teachers there to help with whatever is needed, and they even feed the kids! Noah has resisted going to it because he thinks it's for the "losers"... but at this point, he doesn't have a choice. He's going. ;) He might even decide that he likes it... who knows?!

Thanks for your thoughts, ladies. <3
 
I homeschool my boys, but I can imagine if they were in school, I'd have the same issue. Everyone else has given some great advice. I wish I had some for you, but I don't...I can offer encouragement, though. You're an awesome mom, looking beyond the "school work" to the habits behind them - which will ultimately affect his life the most.
 
As a secondary teacher, I say stick with him and don't let him give up on himself. He may battle you on it, but deep down he is getting the message that you care! =) My husband is a band teacher and works with several kids like this that LOVE his class and have no discipline issues in his room, but are problems for other teachers. If that band teacher can really get through to him it would be worth it to have a talk with the teacher to see if he'll partner with you. You are on the right track with finding out what he loves - focus on that in a positive way to encourage him to do well in ALL areas, not just those he likes. Your love and consistency will get him through! =)
 
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