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  1. #1

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    Default Bday Party etiquette help

    DD will be 5 in Sept. DH and I are trying to figure out what to do. Since she's getting older (meaning, she is starting to understand the idea of MORE MORE MORE lol), I want to keep the party small (so she doesn't get greedy!). Like, she can invite 5 friends. BUT, all of her friends have at least one sibling and in the past, even if we just put the friend's name on the invite, the parents bring the siblings, too. *sigh* So a party intended for 10 kids is really a party of 20 or 25 kids. I'm going to be honest: I don't want to pay for that many kids, and I don't want that many kids at my house. (And DH won't pay to have it anywhere else. And that's fine with me. The home is free: the local bounce house place starts at like $400 for a party!)

    So how do I get the parents, some of whom I'm friends with, to understand that the invite is for the child DD knows and is friends with? I don't want to cause issues, but I want a small party where DD and her closest friends can really have fun--cuz I can spend more money on fun stuff to do instead of on food for the little kids whom I didn't invite in the first place. (Plus, I want the party to be for kids who are DD's age, not a lot younger or older. I want the kids to enjoy the party on the same level, ykwim?) I know this is a few months away, but I'm already worrying about it! I start to buy things for her party months in advance so that I can buy stuff when it's on sale. So I need to know that there will actually be only 5 kids plus DD at this shindig. I mean, you wouldn't bring people not on the invite to a wedding, so why would you do it to a party?
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  2. #2
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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    Maybe in the invitation state that you are trying to "keep it small" and would be more than happy if they dropped X off at the party and returned for him or her at X time?

    or, maybe add a statement that goodie bags, games, etc will only be provided for XX child.

  3. #3

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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    I don't know. I've never had this problem. The one birthday party that we were invited to, the little boy had met my older daughter and wanted her to come. So I stayed in the basement with my younger and played with her until the party was over. Just in case my kids had a problem as they don't often get left because of past behavioral issues.



  4. #4

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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    Oh that is tricky, sounds like Missi's idea may be the best, non-confrontational way to put it. Let me know how it goes. I'd like to throw my son (5 in Sept.) a nice birthday party as well so I'm open to all good ideas. ;)


  5. #5

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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    Haha - people do bring people that aren't on the wedding invite to weddings though!!! LOL I know this happened at my wedding!!!

    Hmmm - I like the idea of you can drop Susie off from 1pm-3pm. With perhaps a side note of "We are trying to be keep the party manageable/small/quiet/inexpensive, so please make sure that only Susie attends. Thank you." Or something along the lines of this. (In other words only Susie is invited, so leave the rest of the family home! ;))

  6. #6

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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    I would not be offended if Audrey received an invite with a note stating that only she was invited to attend. Then again, I wouldn't expect her brother to be invited! ;)

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  8. #7

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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    Quote Originally Posted by Colleen View Post
    I would not be offended if Audrey received an invite with a note stating that only she was invited to attend. Then again, I wouldn't expect her brother to be invited! ;)
    where I grew up, that's how it was: only the birthday kid's friend came to the party. Heck, parents never stayed. Here, I've got to feed the parents (even dads come, for Pete's sake! Don't they have a football game to watch?!) and the siblings on top of the one kid that I invited! It's annoying, not because we're so stinking poor that we can't afford it lol, but I set a limit for DD's party (as we all should, right? ;) ) so if 40 people come to a party that's supposed to be for 16, then all that cost adds up. And the mess. THE STINKING MESSSSSS! lol (that was pretend drama, btw.)

    My one worry is my friend with 3 kids. DD is friends with the oldest child, but I don't want the other 2 kids at the party. If DD can only have 5 kids at her party, then those 3 kids are more than half that number lol! But I know that she will be offended if I only invite one of her kids. I love this woman, but she holds grudges and she always turns things into a slight against her. DH has even said "Holy cow, it's a good thing you're friends with her, cuz she'd be a horrible enemy." Eek! I don't want her spreading crap to other moms we both know. Should I talk to her separately, before the party invites even go out, and casually bring up my plans for DD's party?

    So maybe I should say on the invite, like Missi suggested, that the party is for the invitee only: "Drop off your princess for a Birthday Ball at our castle! You can pick her up at 3, before your coach turns into a pumpkin!"
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  9. #8

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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    Quote Originally Posted by Tree City View Post
    So maybe I should say on the invite, like Missi suggested, that the party is for the invitee only: "Drop off your princess for a Birthday Ball at our castle! You can pick her up at 3, before your coach turns into a pumpkin!"
    That is so cute! Although, if she is that easily offended, that might offend her too. (PS- don't forget to put drop off time as 1, though, or you may have breakfast guests!)
    On a side note- I hope your friend has a good husband. I am a TERRIBLE grudge holder. My husband always knows the best way for me to let go of my upset feelings, though!



  10. #9

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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    For me, being new to Texas, and for my kids who barely went to school for the first time in January (they were homeschooled before) it is REALLY scary to just drop my kid off at a party. We have been invited to 3 or 4 parties since we moved here, and I can honestly say that the parents stayed at nearly all of them.

    I did make sure each time though that the invite was for one or both kids...since both of my boys are really close in age, they usually wanted them both. I would not have been offended if someone had said I needed to leave one home, but I would have a problem just dropping my kid off with parents I have never met and houses I have never seen. My kids are REALLY innocent though, and I am protective of that. I do think the parents should ASK you if the sibling can come, and don't be afraid to say no. If they don't ask, that is just plain rude.

    We did just send out invites for Cody's bday and we are having it at our house, so I wanted to only have a few kids too. I planned it on a weekday in the afternoon, so that should cut down on the number attending. Also, on the invite, we put that only lemonade tea and snowcones would be served. I made sure to not have it around meal time so that I don't have to feed parents too, LOL. I am also locking everyone OUT of my house, and staying in the pack patio, so there is no one lounging and such around the house. Most of the parties we went to did have a table specifically for the adults a ways away from the party too, so we will probably do the same.

    Good luck, and hope it works out okay for you!

  11. #10

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    Default Re: Bday Party etiquette help

    I think I'd try to hint at it on the invite, and maybe also casually mention the plans. Something like "Katie is invited to a secret princess party....shhhh don't tell anyone!" I don't know. That is a tough situation, but since you've got a couple of months, I would try to bring it up casually to all of the mothers and let them know it is going to be a special party just for a few girls.

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