View Full Version : Need some words of wisdom

04-25-2012, 06:47 PM
Okay, so all my friends who are mom's of a 6 almost 7 year old... Tori has been having a rough few weeks at school. Not listening to the teacher has been the main problem. However, EVERY day this week she's been exhibiting some "mean behaviors" at school and making other little girls cry, on purpose.. She won't talk to me about it. She won't tell me what's bother her or making her act this way. Anybody who knows Tori, knows she is not normally like this. She normally is the little girl who plays with everyone and includes everyone in everything she does. I'm at a loss. Her teacher, who is wonderful, is also at a loss.

We've tried taking things away. We've restricted activities. We've cancelled play dates. Eliminated TV and the Wii.. Tried rationalizing it with her. Tried to get her to open up. Tried to see if someone is bullying her and she's just copying the behavior. None of these seem to be the answer. Her teacher says that Tori seems to actually enjoy the negative attention... I'm saddened by this and it's breaking my heart that I don't know what to do to help her.

04-25-2012, 07:21 PM
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this with Tori. Has there been any change in her daily routine, your routine, her dad's routine? Any changes at all?

04-25-2012, 08:36 PM
It sounds like a plea for attention. I would try some one on one time with lots of physical touch and holding. If all else fails, I would seek a family counselor. There has to be an underlying issue here that needs to be discovered.

I don't say this to scare you, but my brother started acting this way around age 9 and it only got worse, eventually landing him in jail. He didn't admit until a couple of years ago that he was molested by a friend of mine. I often wonder how different things had been if he had gotten help from a therapist early on.

{HUG} I really hope it's something simple and can be resolved at home. It's tough when things change like this and you don't know why.

04-25-2012, 09:03 PM
i'm sorry kimmy, i'm not sure i could say anything to help i'm notquite there, maybe her hormones are changing, i've known of somegirls to start their periods at 6. i'll keep you in my thoughts as you get this figured out, let me know if you need anything :)

04-26-2012, 01:00 AM
my gosh Kimmy, I have no words of wisdom, I'd be at a total loss if my little lovely started acting that way too! I only recommend lots of talking and one on one time to see if you can discover the root of it. And maybe try to point out examples of how she feels if/when someone says mean things to her. Good luck hun, parenting is such a hard job! *hugs*

04-26-2012, 02:28 AM
No change in routine.. The only thing that I can think of is on Spring Break we traveled to my mom's (7 hours away).. My sister and her daughter were there. My niece is 4 1/2 like my youngest but is a BRAT.. Very sassy, curses, doesn't listen to anyone at all. At one point she called me a stupid *itch.. It was not a pleasant visit needless to say. Normally when my girls are around her they act naughty for a few days but get over it. It's going on 3 weeks now.

We did have an ice cream social at the school tonight and I was able to talk to the teacher in a little more detail so I feel a little better but I still just want to cry. One of the little girls Tori was mean to was there and I made her apologize right there. The little girl was so sweet. She said she didn't want Tori to be in trouble any more because she was "over it." Kids.. Still I need to figure out what the root of the issue is so we can prevent it.

We talked about things for a good hour tonight. More me talking and her nodding her head in agreement but I expressed over and over how if anything ever bothers her, its okay to tell me and that I love her very much no matter what. I also explained that there are consequences to her actions so no TV, Wii, leap pad, iphone, computer, playdates or anything "fun" until she turns her behavior around.

We'll see how the rest of the week shapes up...

04-26-2012, 02:34 AM
WOW. I'm going to say maybe the sassy one rubbed off on her?? My little sister was always a little tempestuous, but generally a good girl. When she was 14, she met a bad little girl who cussed, smoked, always had an attitude with all adults, skipped school and was sexually active ALREADY.

Well, guess what happened? My little sister followed suit. Now she's a high school dropout living somewhere? With some guy? We don't even know. She went from a sweet girl to a terrible person because of that one darned girl. All that had to happen was a bad influence for her to turn into something she never was.

Obviously this other little girl gets away with her behavior and young girls are so suggestible, that may be the cause. Maybe after she misses out on something she REALLY wants (a party? a trip?), she will start to shape up. I really wish you the best of luck. /huuuuuug

04-26-2012, 10:20 AM
I can think of two things are might be the cause and I really hope that none of them are the case. Please don't hate me for saying them I just feel I have to so that it doesn't end up as one of those things that could have been prevented.

First thing I can't help thinking of (and probably the most unlikely) is that she might be sick. I've heard of cases where people change personality if they have neurologic diseases.

Second, how much time have you spent with her lately? Maybe all she wants is you to pay attention to her. And not the kind of attention that she gets from doing her home work or brushing her teeth or other very pratical stuff. I'm thinking of the kind of attention you get when you read books together, listen to her talking about all her friends and when she's telling you all her 'secrets' that really isn't important to a grown up but is important to a child. If it's been a while since you last payed her that kind of attention maybe she have gotten the impression that you aren't interested any more or that you don't have time. And if that's the case you can't tell her that she can talk to you about anything. You have to show it to her. There's no quick fix.

I don't know you or your family, Kimmy, so I hope I haven't offended you.

04-26-2012, 09:07 PM
ahhh... my oldest has the biggest chip on her shoulder after my mom or sis & nephews visit. She see's my mom a few times a year and acts out every time my mom leaves. Mainly because my mom doesn't give her that one on one attention. And then with my nephews they are older and have major attitude problems, and she things because she see's them do it and get away with it, that it's okay for her to try it. It always takes me a couple weeks to get her out of it.

I always try reminding them that they can talk to me about anything, and I will listen. Sometimes she won't open up, so my sister gives it a try.

04-27-2012, 04:34 PM
Rachel seriously - hormones at 6?!? EEEEEEEEEEEK!

Sorry Kimmy - no words of wisdom for you - hang in there and hopefully this "phase" pases QUICKLY!!

04-27-2012, 06:42 PM
I agree with Sanne's Point #2.
I had some issues with Madison and getting in trouble, and I sat her down, we talked, and we worked out a way of spending more time together, just me and her. She apparently missed that, and she didn't know how to express it, so she bottled it up and her release valve happened to be at school.

Things with her aren't perfect now (she's still getting in trouble for piddly things like talking too much, but that's expected with her genetics).

So yeah, sit down with her, just you and her (or Daddy and her, if he's been working/out of town a lot). Talk. Listen.

04-27-2012, 07:01 PM
I think all of the suggestions are good ones... I definitely think if it continues you should try therapy (both individual and family)... Sometimes talking to a stranger is "safer" than talking to "your mom"... I mention family counseling because it's also important that she realizes the toll her behavior is taking on your family as a whole.

As far as the root cause... Honestly it could be anything... But something is obviously going on. Kids don't have dramatic personality changes overnight for no reason. It could be something horrible like being molested, or a behavior disorder... or it could be something as simple as needing more positive attention and one on one time... There's really no way to tell until you exhaust all your options.

I will say that I began to act out inappropriately after some traumatic events happened in my life. I think I would have had a much happier childhood had someone taken the time to really find out what was going on and allowed me to go to therapy. lol.

Twin Mom Scraps
04-30-2012, 01:57 AM
Rachel seriously - hormones at 6?!? EEEEEEEEEEEK!

this is just too insane to even think could possible happen. i have heard of 9-10 yrs old, but 6???? that's nuts!!! i hope for sake kimmy, that is NOT what is going on.

honestly, my FIRST thought when i read your opening post was that maybe SHE was the one being bullied and that maybe she was retaliating because of that? i hope you will get it figured out. my girls just turned 7, and man, they are a handful! i joke about them being 7 going on 17! but it's really not funny. it's a tough age, i get that, but as a parent, not knowing why your kid does or acts a certain way, can be very taxing.
good luck!

04-30-2012, 03:10 AM
I definitely appreciate all the feedback. We are working thru it. Had a few good days. I think the teacher may have overreacted a bit and made it seem much worse than it really is. I am concerned that she is being bullied but the teacher says she isn't when she's around. Of course the teacher isn't around on the playground... I just need to show her how much she is loved and we are working on spending more "quality" time with her. It's hard to give her 1on1 time because I have a 4 year old that will feel really left out. Daddy works until 9 most nights so most of the time it's me and the girls. But we will work thru this. Mostly, I want to thank everyone for listening.

04-30-2012, 04:23 PM
I'm so sorry I wasn't here earlier. We have had to restrict playdates with a few cousins because it has rubbed off on my kids. One thing that has helped my DD is giving her a "special" responsibility. She has always wanted to help cook- even at 2. With a little copycat in the house, though, we didn't allow her to be able to cook until she was 8. (And now copycat is 8 as well- so I guess I'll have to figure out something for that!) She know cooks at least 1 dinner meal each week and most of the time does a lunch or two as well. I think her being able to have that "special" learning time and then being able to feel big has really helped her get through some of her icky times. Good luck. I really hope that it all settles down soon.